Penny for my thoughts

You wanna know something that really bothers me? People who judge others. Whether it be narcissism, religious reasons, or just plain ignorance. And I rarely do the whole "bitch and vent" blog thing, but we are all entitled to one every now and then and this one is a long time coming.

My main focus today is on my hubby to be. Yes, we all know that Brian is an asshole. Yes, we all know that he and I had a rough first couple of years. And I understand that its my family and friend's jobs to take my side and condemn his behavior. With that being said...guess what?? I have absolutely NOT been the perfect companion, either. Granted, there’s no excuse for some of his behavior (from years ago) but take the time to get to know the him now. He is a completely different person and HAS been for almost 5 years. Also, I encourage anyone reading this blog to keep your relationship problems to yourself. Telling others is the fastest way to cause resentment towards your partner, which then causes you to resent that person for resenting them (got that?). I am a very loyal friend, and am very protective of my family....so I understand fully that its much easier to forgive someone for something they've done to you than it is to forgive something they've done to someone you love. I do appreciate the gesture....but lets move forward, ay?

Its also quite offensive to me that people think I am just this weak, passive aggressive, wuss that stays in a crappy relationship because I have a low self esteem and think I can't do any better. While this was the case many years ago....it is far from the truth now. Let me give you a little run-down on Candace (now I get to brag). I have never had life (or anything else for that matter) handed to me. Mommy and daddy didn't buy my first car, or pay for my college, or constantly bail me out when I couldn't pay my bills (not that they wouldn't have, I just didn't need it)....I have done EVERYTHING on my own. When I turned 16, I got a full time job...then (while still in high school) got a SECOND full time job. I bought my first car and all thereafter, I moved out on my own 5 months after graduation, obsessively built up my credit, bought a house at 22, have a decent cushion in my savings account, and live a comfortably modest life with the man that I love. I never hung with the wrong crowd, drank alcohol, did drugs, get pregnant, or any other mindless ailment that would have taken me off my track. Most teenagers have this big plan to go to college and make something of themselves....while I think that’s great, it was never for me. But I tell you what...I am happy with everything in my life. THAT was my plan. I have waited until I was old enough and responsible enough to get married. I wanted no doubts that Brian was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I do believe in divorce, but definitely not for me. I was raised with amazing parents that may not have gotten along all the time, but we never knew it and they worked it out and are still married. I want that for my children. As most know, I just celebrated my 25th birthday. I think its safe to say that I am not a moron and can handle making my own decisions. Its worked out pretty well for me so far.

I don't want my ramblings to seem like I am unappreciative for the lack of financial assistance I've had throughout life. I am so very thankful that my parents didn't hand me life on a silver platter. I have no doubts that I would be a negligent loser with a couple of car repo's on my credit report and not a lesson learned from it...and more than likely still dependent on them. My parents may not have given me a fancy, expensive education, but they taught me some priceless life lessons. So enough about that, back to the topic at hand. Nobody has, does, or ever will know the Brian that I know. No one sees him cry, knows what hurts him, or knows his sensitive side....and that’s ok. That is his angle. He was taught that people mistake kindness for weakness and its taken me many years to teach him otherwise....still a work in progress, btw. But as far as his love and devotion to me??? I will NEVER in a million years find a man that loves me on the level that he does. Ever. I am his life...I am his family...I am his whole world. Nothing that I have ever done to hurt him has ever changed his love for me. We have been through everything a relationship can possibly go through, and we are still standing stronger than ever, holding hands. In 10, 20, 50 years...I will NEVER have to doubt his love and admiration for me. Brian is and will always be an asshole, but you can be assured that he isn't an asshole to me. He has grown and matured, and indeed, his love for me has grown and matured. He appreciates and respects me as a person first, and then appreciates and respects me as his partner. He would kill for me or die for me in a heartbeat. And that I know. He does so much for me. He cooks me dinner, does housework and yard work and is so conscious and considerate of my needs and feelings. Isn't that what a relationship is all about? We've got this.

I know that I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do....for his sake. It saddens me for him that he, most likely, will never live down his reputation, no matter how much he has changed. But I guess it really doesn't matter. My immediate family and friends know the real deal. And in the grand scheme of things, its me and Brian against the world. : ) I couldn't have found a better man to spend my life with.